(Im)mortality?

*deep sigh*

I don't want to get old... no way... not the way I have seen too much now in a hospital.

Many years ago a crazy Indian read my hand. He told me my life line was long and strong, which meant I would have a long life (my love line is a bit crooked apparently...).
Now considering my genes that isn't something special (the life line that is, the other one I won't discuss here, although there are some pretty cool family rumors from the 19th century...).
I have many family members who made it to very respectable and venerable ages. My granny of course first: she made it to 94 yesterday. Then there is my grandfathers' aunt who made to 106! She was actually complaining about those young kids of 80!

Heheh... it must have been quite a sight...

But for real, what I have seen just today for example, brought a vague thought to the front of my mind: this way I don't want to get old.

I saw my granny, who was hospitalised yesterday for the 2nd time in 1 month, in total state of confusion, trying to reach out to the world and understand what the hell was going on...
This other old lady lying in her bed with tubes all over and coming out of her. She was sleeping, but whenever she woke up she was crying her eyes out, deeply frustrated and saddened by her situation. She spilled a little bit of juice and she got totally scared and bewildered...
Next bed: a 80-something who had just lost her husband a few months ago, and now had gone through chemo therapy... But still going strong...

That is what I respect very very deeply about my granny: all the crap that happened in the last months and she still keeps her spirit up. It's amazing...

She can hardly walk, and everything else is failing for this tiny, frail, very old woman, and still she sits and makes jokes... my deepest respects!

Still, this day, and the way I see everything fail for her, I realise I don't want to get that old. Not that way. Even when she has been 'lucky' and made it this far without big problems.

It's so undignified and humiliating to see the ones we love literally crumble away, fade away into the shades...
(And the Danish health care system certainly doesn't help: In this country 'available all day' means between 9 and 11 am, and between 13 and 14 pm. If you call 1 minute too late: too bad... take an aspirin and call us again when you are dead...)

Naaahhh, you know what? Give me the quay at the Guadalquivir in Sevilla, with a view on Tirana, at that terrace where Alvaro, Jose Antonio, Magdita and I sat so brilliantly enjoying the warm winter sun on the 31st of December 2004.

Put me there, when I am 60 or so, give me a good glass of Cacique and Lemon, made the good way, and let me be... Let me think of all the great people I have met over the years and my loved ones. Don't make it fussy.
Let me just die of whatever, quick and easy.

Don't say: naaah, too young, still so many years. No way, I have seen the end of the line. And it's ugly.
So little respect, dignity and self-esteem left must be a terrible feeling to have: not to be able to feel and do what you are used to.

Of course, I hope my granny will live to be 150, but to get old like this I cannot recommend.

I really don't want to be a cynic and a pessimist. I love life, and there are so many great things in store still, but please let us have that shred of decency when we get old.

So... there it is. My testament? Hahahah, no... just some gloomy thoughts after seeing someone get very old.
I hope you understand: everyone deserves to get old, but if we see them slip away and even one of the richest countries in the world isn't able to provide proper care to those we love (while claiming it is alll soooo woooonderful), I don't want to get that old.

Live is short, play hard then? Let's have a great summer!!!

And now, my dear friends, I need life, in every sense of the word... which is why I am considering visiting Dani & Sarah in summer when their baby boy will be born. It would be nice to be in a hospital when a new life is starting actually!!